This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
