I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
