I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
