he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
