My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
