he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i dont even know how to be here
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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