false alarm. still invincible.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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