70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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