I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
