i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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