Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
