i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
