I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
