In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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