I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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