you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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