Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My bed smells like the plague
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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