Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
