i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize