i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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