Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
