I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
