His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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