Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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