You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This baby is an asshole
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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