Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We just shotgunned beers for America
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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