You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
