I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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