she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
