During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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