"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
