why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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