just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
