I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
