The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My liver is preforming stress tests.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
