Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
