my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude i'm inner monologue high
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
