her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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