We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
