So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My vagina just recognized that song.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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