Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
