I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
