I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Randomize
