Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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