Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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