I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize