Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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