According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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