I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
