I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
