Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
