Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
