I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You left your phone here
Wait...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
