I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
