you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
