If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
