I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm always down for nudity.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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