i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize