he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
