he wants to bone in the snuggie
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
