I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
