I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
