Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
