yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
