remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize