If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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