hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
