you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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