I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
