Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
