Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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