Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
