She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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