Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize